On ICEE's and Foam Cups

I got an ICEE yesterday. Okay, it wasn't really an ICEE, but it was a "frozen drink" similar to an ICEE. Some call them slushies, some call them ICEE, I say call me when you're getting them. When I lived in Noblesville, I couldn't go more than five days without this frozen, delightful treat. The best one that I have had is the Mountain Dew one found at most Speedway gas stations. Unfortunately, the one thing that I have not liked about living in Veedersburg is the lack of Mountain Dew frozen drinks. I know, I know, it's rather trivial, that's why I haven't complained to my district superintendent yet.... yet... Anyway, all of this has gotten me on an unexpected tangent. The purpose of this post is to discuss the need for a revolution in the frozen drink world.

You see, some places feel the need to have styrofoam cups for these frozen drinks. On the surface, it makes sense. After all, who wants their frozen drink to melt all over the place. The "Polar Pop" idea works great for fountain drinks, and I am a strong advocate of it because it does make your fountain drink stay colder, longer. This is advantageous because the ice in the fountain drink does not melt and thereby water down your fountain drink. But notice the key modifying word here - fountain drink, not frozen.

When you place a frozen drink in a foam cup, it also keeps it colder longer. Again, this would seem to make sense; however, there is a very important flaw in the system. What makes ICEEs, slushies, or whatever you call these heavenly drinks so good is the fact that the slush stays in a slush-like state. Once it begins to become more frozen, all of the joy of the frozen drink gets sucked up in the syrup, and all you have is a cup full of packed ice. It's very disturbing.

Drinking a frozen drink is an art form. The slush needs to stay slush-like, not hail-like, so you can't drink it too fast (not to mention the fact that drinking it too fast causes a major freeze in my apparently huge brain; it must be huge because it extends to the roof of my mouth). However, the slush also needs to not melt too quickly so you end up with some kind of cold soda that has been left on the counter overnight, so you can't drink it too slow either. But the foam cup kills any kind of drink-timing that goes along with frozen drinks in the first place. It's very disturbing, my friends... very disturbing.

So, I want everyone to come together and raise up a single voice in support of the non-foam cup slushie, or ICEE, or whatever you call it! Stand up, my friends! Stand up against the tyranny of foam cups! Stand up against the crime of packed ice frozen drinks! FREEEEDOOOOOOMMMMmmm!!!