Thoughts on the Indiana Annual Conference

Day 1 - Thursday

Thursday, June 25 marked the beginning of the first ever meeting of the Indiana Annual Conference. In previous years, North Indiana and South Indiana existed as different conferences, but on October 4th of last year, they officially became one conference. This was a pretty exciting time, and a time that is challenging all of us to rethink how we do ministry.

The conference opened with three teaching sessions led by Adam Hamilton, the pastor of Church of the Resurrection near Kansas City, Kansas. I'll go into more detail about the teaching sessions on a later post, but suffice to say, it was some good stuff. I do consider myself to be conservative theologically; however, I understand the importance of being a moderate when it comes to theological discussions. I'm not one to condemn those with whom I don't agree. I think responsible, respectful and logical dialogue is crucial. There will always be differences between people. That is how we grow. I respect Hamilton for leading the way in opening up the conversations between "both sides of the aisle," and taking the best from both points of view.

Afterwards, we had our initial plenary session. Nothing terribly exciting to talk about there. This did set the tone, however, for what would end up being the majority of the discussions during conference - namely, the budget initial report. The most contentious discussions during the course of Annual Conference revolved around insurance, specifically for retired clergy and spouses, and connectional ministries, primarily campus ministries. Following a mildly entertaining laity report, we had a limited amount of time to get dinner and head over to Union Chapel UMC for the clergy session.

Clergy session was all right. There were a number of people presented for commissioning and ordination, as well as the retirees for this annual conference. Someone wondered aloud in my direction, "Why are we ordaining people in their 60's?" And as I looked at the crowd of people, there were very few that were under the age of 40. One of the things that we need to do a better job with, as clergy, is helping people answer their call to ministry at a young age. So many times, I've heard of second-career people entering into ministry much later in life because they ignored their call to ministry at a younger age.

Clergy session wasn't terribly exciting for me, apart from knowing a few of the people being commissioned or ordained, because as a provisional member, I am not allowed to vote (although, by this point, it's pretty much a rubber stamp on what has already been decided). It also dawned on me as I was sitting in the session that had I gotten through certification on time and had I finished seminary in 3 years instead of 4, I would be a part of this year's ordination class. Interesting how it all works out sometimes, isn't it? Thus ended Day 1.

Day 2 - Friday

Friday began with a Bible study led by David Bell. The focus was on stewardship, and it was pretty good. I may put up the highlights in a later post. We then had our second plenary (business) session, focusing primarily on the Transition Team report (which went 35 minutes over its alloted time) and discussion revolving around Connectional Ministries.

Here's the big deal with Connectional Ministries. Apparently, about a month ago, those representing connectional ministries throughout the state were told that the majority of the money that they received from the conference would be drastically reduced. At the Pre-conference briefing, we were told that this is in part due to budgetary concerns, but also because the local church gives at a rate 10 times more than the conference. The short notice, alongside the massive cuts, has caused quite a bit of consternation around the conference - understandably so.

However, here are my thoughts on the issue. Local churches need to take on the responsibility of maintaining these ministries. If it isn't something that the local churches support, why should the conference? Hear me out on this. I care about campus ministry. I think it is incredibly important as a follow-up to what local churches are doing in their ministry to youth. However, we cannot simply throw some money at campus ministries and wash our hands of young Christians.

The local churches need to support it. With the new conference, there is a lot of talk about grassroots and doing ministry from the "bottom" of the system up. It has to start with the local churches. If we are trying to do ministry from the bottom up, then why are we trying to mandate funding from the top down? It doesn't make any sense. And here's the kicker - Indiana is on a tithing model for conference giving, not apportionments. We give 10% of what is given on Sunday morning to the conference. If every church in the conference paid 100% of their 10% tithe, we would have $3 million more in the budget for 2010. All of the arguments and discussions that have occurred in the past month and a half would be a moot point because the money is there.

Okay, back to the review. I attended the Asbury Seminary lunch out at Union Chapel. It was great. In the past years, the Asbury lunch has always been a deli sandwich box lunch. This time, a local Italian restaurant catered, and it was delicious. Dr. Arnold was the speaker, and he updated us on the many things that are going on at Asbury, and it seems like things are going great there right now.

I spent the afternoon session watching the webcast because we got back from the Asbury lunch a little late, and I needed to rest a little. Most of the time was spent discussing insurance for retired clergy and spouses. There was a brief break in that discussion to talk about the 32 proposed Constitutional Amendments. I thought that this was going to be a long, drawn-out discussion as well, but I think the whole thing lasted maybe half an hour. The results were not released, so I don't have much to report on those. All in all, it seemed like a pretty tame discussion compared to the previous discussions on the day.

I have to say that I was pretty disappointed with dinner. I went to the Confessing Movement dinner. The food itself was wonderful; however, I had to eat and rush out of there pretty quick. I was supposed to help serve communion at the memorial service, and for some inexplicable reason, they started the dinner about half an hour late. By the time I made it through the buffet line (as my table was the last to go), I had all of 7 minutes to eat and get back to the auditorium. It was pretty frustrating to pay $16.50 for a dinner that I didn't even have time to enjoy.

Following the memorial service, there was a young clergy gathering at Scotty's Brewhouse. It was a good time. Katie and I got to meet a few people and just hang out with some other young clergy in our conference. I think, all in all, about 30 people came by for this gathering.

Day 3 & 4 - Saturday and Sunday

Saturday morning started off with another Bible study by David Bell. We had our final vote on the budget, which brought up more discussion on connectional ministries and insurance. The nominating committee reported on those who are geared up to serve in the new conference, and then we were dismissed for an afternoon of ministry and outreach.

Sunday was the closing of annual conference with the Celebration of Ministry service, during which a whole new class was commissioned, another one was ordained, and another one was seen off to retirement.

I know this has been a rather long post. But that is the basic summary of the first ever meeting of the Indiana Annual Conference, with a bit of commentary along the way. All in all, it was a good conference.

Summer Movie Tour: Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen

I managed to make it out to see one of the summer's most anticipated films - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The movie picks up a couple years following the end of the first Transformers movie. The Autobots have increased in number and have joined together with an elite and covert team know as NEST. The Decepticons have been scattered all over the world searching for a piece of the Allspark that remained following the first movie. Without giving too much away, they find it and use it to revive Megatron, who then continues to bring about his own special brand of havoc in searching for something known as the Leadership Matrix.

My assessment: While I enjoyed the movie, it wasn't as good as the original. There is a lot of action all throughout, and you certainly never get bored. The relationship between Sam and Mikayla is still going on, and there are some parts that focus specifically on their relationship, which provide about the only break from the action throughout the movie. Sam's parents are, once again, hilarious; providing great comedic relief alongside John Turturro's Agent Simmons. There were a couple of twin Autobots who were also supposed to provide some comedic relief, but aren't terribly funny.

My recommendation: I'll buy it, and I'll watch it again, but as I said above, it's not as good as the original. Obviously this is not one that is going to revolve around the acting, which is good because the acting isn't all that great. The action makes it worth seeing, but I wouldn't pay full price at the theater to see it again. Wait for a matinee or for it to arrive at the local dollar theater.

Stepping Up

The following was preached at Veedersburg and Hillsboro UMC on Sunday, June 21, 2009. The text for this week's passage is 1 Samuel 17:32-40, 48-50.

Last week we looked at the story of the anointing of David. What I hope you walked out of here with last week is knowing that what society thinks about bigger being better doesn't apply to what God is doing in our community and all around the world. We don't have to be a huge church to obey the will of God and make a huge difference in our community. We need to be exactly who we are, and we need to make the decision that the message with which we have been entrusted is important enough to share with those around us. Ultimately, that is a decision that each one of us has to make in our own hearts, and it's a decision that will affect our future as a congregation. And that brings us to today's passage.

I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again, but familiar passages can present a problem for us. To be fair, it's not the passages themselves, but what happens when we come across them. We have a tendency to put our brains on autopilot when it comes to a passage that we've heard time and time again. We've heard them so often that we think we've heard everything there is about them. The problem with familiarity is that it breeds apathy. I don't think it's intentional, but we tend to just shut off when it comes to something that we've heard time and time again. All that to say that the story of David and Goliath is one of the more familiar passages in all of Scripture. Even those who don't profess to be Christians and have never stepped foot in a church have heard something being called a "David and Goliath story" and they have a vague idea of what that means.

We come to the story right in the middle of the action. The Israelite army is on the western end of their territory in the hill country. The Vally of Elah, as this place was called, was an important point of entry into Judah. Whoever controlled this valley controlled the hill country. The Philistine army was camped on one side of the valley, while the Israelites were camped on the other. Every day a Philistine warrior by the name of Goliath would come out and taunt the Israelite army. It wasn't uncommon for some battles in this time to be settled between one person from each side. The problem is that all of the Israelites were afraid.

We are told that Goliath's height was "six cubits and a span," which is roughly 9 feet, 9 inches. Do you remember when Moses originally sent the spies to the Promised Land and they came back petrified because the people that were already there were huge? Joshua and Caleb were the only two that said they could take the land, and the rest were all so scared that they disobeyed God and ended up wandering in the desert for another 40 years. The Israelite army apparently forgot that story, because they were scared by the size of Goliath. The point in that story is that the people needed to trust in God to lead them, and they didn't. Yet, here we are again, a few centuries later, facing similar circumstances. Now, it was actually Saul's responsibility, as king of Israel, to answer the challenge of Goliath, but he was also very scared. So, everyday, Goliath would come down from the Philistine lines and taunt the Israelites, but they were all too scared to do anything about it. But then comes David.

David actually wasn't a part of the army. David is on the scene because he is delivering food to his brothers, and he is supposed to bring back some indication that his brothers are still doing well. While he's there, Goliath comes down for his daily taunt. David can't believe what he is hearing when Goliath taunts the Israelite army. For David, Goliath isn't just taunting the Israelites, but God as well. David can't believe that nobody has done anything about it. And he steps up and says, "I'll take care of him." And the first reaction that he gets is, "You've got to be kidding me." Word gets back to Saul, and Saul asks that David come before him. And David stands his ground. He tells Saul that he'll take care of Goliath.

And what is the first thing that Saul says? "You are not able to go against this Philistine because you are too young." Isn't that always the first comment made by the critics? "You can't do that because" fill in the blank. There will always be critics, people who look for all the reasons why we can't do something. The world doesn't need more critics, it needs more people that will look for solutions to the problems, and not reasons why the problem can't be solved. Once we get a feel for what God is wanting to do in our midst, we should be looking for ways to accomplish our task, not excuses as to why it should be somebody else's problem.

Think about this for a minute - is your first reaction to a problem looking for reasons why somebody else should take care of it, or is it to look for solutions? When somebody comes up with an idea for ministry in the community around us, are you more likely to join in and look for ways to make it happen, or are you more likely to sit on the sidelines and talk about why we can't do it? That's an important decision that has to be made. Are you going to be an optimist or a pessimist when it comes to ministry opportunities? And don't tell me that you're a realist, because, realistically, that means you're a pessimist in denial. Now, does this mean that we should do every single thing that comes up? No. It doesn't. We have to be discerning about what we do. Some things may ultimately get turned down, but not until there has been a good deal of prayer and discussion on where it fits with who we are as a congregation.

David was not dissuaded by the reasons Saul gave him. He had his eyes fixed squarely on what was important. And what was important was the fact that God would be the one who did the fighting. God had been preparing him for this moment. He wasn't scared of Goliath because he spent his youth fighting and killing lions and bears. Yeah, Goliath was an awfully big obstacle, but he wasn't worse than anything that David had seen before. And David was still there, which tells me that he had a pretty good track record in those other battles.

God prepares those He sends. God has been preparing you for something. And because God is the one that has been doing the work in you, I'd say that you are in pretty good shape. It is important for us to keep our eyes fixed on what is truly important, and to rely on the preparation that God has put us through. Most importantly, we have to remember that God is working through us. We can accomplish any task that God has set before us because He is the one who has prepared us and is working through us. David wasn’t prepared to fight Goliath because he thought he could beat the giant. He was prepared to fight Goliath because he knew that God would do the fighting through him.

When Saul finally gives in and lets David fight Goliath, he does something that many of us often do. He tried to make David fight Goliath in the way that he is familiar with fighting. Saul puts his armor on David, and gives David his sword. Now, remember last week when I mentioned that Saul was a head taller than all of the rest of the Israelites? Something tells me that Saul didn't get any shorter. Can you imagine David wearing Saul's armor, when Saul was so much taller than David in the first place? David was used to fighting in whatever he was wearing, not in a heavy suit of armor. David was also used to fighting with his sling and bare hands, not with a sword. He told Saul that he couldn't go into battle with this equipment because he had never used it before. Given time and training, David would eventually fight with a sword and armor, but in this moment, he couldn't. He had to fight in a way with which he was familiar. He had to be true to who he was.

You can probably see where I'm going with this one. When it comes to doing ministry in our context, we have to be true to who we are. We can't make ourselves be something that we are not. We have to approach ministry using the gifts and graces that God has given us. We can't put on the armor and carry the sword that other churches are using because we aren't familiar with them. What works in one context may not work in another. Once we start trying to be somebody else, we will find ourselves with a severe identity crisis on our hands, or, worse yet, we will fall flat on our faces. And nothing can lead to inactivity faster than failure.

Now, the flip side to all of this is that we can, and must, learn new and adapt our current ministry approaches. I had the honor of being a teaching assistant for a United Methodist polity class while I was in seminary that was co-taught by the seminary president and the president of the United Methodist Judicial Council. One of the things that President Greenway said in that class that really stuck with me is, "The church that got us to where we are is not the church that will take us where we need to go." He was talking about the United Methodist Church as a denomination, but I think it is very true for all churches.

The things that we did fifteen years ago will not help us reach out to our community today. The world is changing. We have to be able to adapt in order to minister to a changing world. I say this full well knowing that some people see "change" as a curse word. I'm not saying that we change things for the sake of making a change, but we do it to reach out to a broken world and bring glory to God. I want to ease your heart palpatations right now by saying that this is not an indication that we are suddenly going to switch our style of worship. I'm young, not stupid. Having said that, though, we may do some different things during worship from time to time. David didn't always go into battle with a sling and some stones. He learned, he adapted and he was victorious as long as he listened to God.

We all know the rest of the story. David confronts Goliath, and kills him. The Philistines scatter and David's fame spreads all over the land. David's story is written. It is well-known. Our story, not so much. We have before us a blank sheet of paper. We are a modern-day David, sitting at an important crossroad. The question is - will we continue to move forward, towards what God has set before us, or will we sit back and let life happen? I have to tell you, I'm not willing to just sit back. I like to sit back and relax on my own time, but when it comes to what God is doing, I'm not willing to miss out.

I came across a quote this week that I want to leave you with. "When your memories exceed your dreams, the end is near." What are your dreams? Where has God been speaking to your heart? What is it that God has been preparing you for? Where has God been leading you? Do the dreams that you have for this congregation exceed your memories?

Summer Movie Tour: The Proposal

There are currently about 5 or 6 movies out that I want to see this summer. Unfortunately, it's been a busy couple of weeks, and let's not forget, the closest movie theater is 20-some miles away. Regardless, Katie picked the movie for this stop on the summer movie tour, and we went to see The Proposal starring Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.

As you've probably picked up from the trailers/commercials, The Proposal is about a woman who plans to marry her assistant in order to stay in the country (instead of being deported to Canada). Both the expected and unexpected happen along the way, and (nearly) everybody will walk away relatively satisfied with the ending.

My assessment: I enjoyed this movie. I know that I'm walking in dangerous territory by admitting to liking a perceived "chick flick;" however, what's not to love about Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. They make a great on-screen team and have believable chemistry as a couple.

My recommendation: If you are looking for a light-hearted movie to see with you girlfriend/wife, this one is well worth the time. It is quite funny and touching in parts. Relatively predictable, but if that doesn't bother you, then enjoy!

Gym Class Syndrome

The following was preached at Veedersburg and Hillsboro UMC on Sunday, June 14, 2009. The text for this week's message is 1 Samuel 16:1-7, 10-13.

As a way to jump into today's passage, I want to get in the Way-Back Machine and look at a time in my life that I promised myself never to discuss again - middle school. Perhaps some of y'all here this morning can connect with me on this one. One of my fondest memories of middle school was gym class. I had a slight social handicap when I was in middle school - I wore glasses. And because I wore glasses, I was automatically incapable of playing sports, at least that was the perception amongst some of my middle school peers. I remember when we were getting ready for the unit on baseball, and we went through the always dreaded gym class ritual of picking teams. I seem to remember, as I was among the last of the players picked, someone making a comment that at least my team would have a cheerleader. Let's pause the story there, and look at the background for today's passage.

The book of 1 Samuel basically records Israel's first steps into monarchy, their new political system in which a king ruled the nation. Until the birth of the monarchy, Israel was ruled by what the Old Testament calls "judges." No, these were not guys with white wigs and black robes sitting behind a bench. The judges of ancient Israel were rulers who were raised up by God from time to time. They would lead Israel through a particular crisis and for a limited period of time. After a while though, the Israelites grew tired of having judges from time to time and wanted something more permanent. They clamoured for a king. In 1 Samuel 8, we are told that the elders of Israel go to Samuel and express their displeasure over the rule of his sons (who really were poor leaders, more concerned with personal gain than justice). And they tell Samuel that they wanted to have a king - just like all the other nations.

In spite of Samuel's warning of what would happen if Israel did have a king, the people still insisted on having one. Finally, Samuel prays to the Lord and He says, "Okay, let's give them what they want." Have you ever heard the saying, "Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it." Israel hadn't. They got what they asked for, and it would lead them down a long and winding road. At the end of this road was something that they never would have expected, but they should have - Samuel warned them.

The first king ended up being a very handsome, wealthy man, who stood taller than all the rest of the Israelites. Saul actually started out as a pretty good king. He led Israel into battle and nearly every time came back victorious. He listened to the advice of Samuel and obeyed the Lord. However, Saul started doing things his own way instead of waiting on the Lord. One lesson we learn time and time again in the Old Testament is that when leaders stop following after the Lord, things go wrong real quick. And this was no different. Saul started going his own way, and, consequently, was rejected by the Lord as leader of the nation. And that brings us to today's passage - the anointing of David.

I get the feeling that Samuel really liked Saul to begin with. He seemed like a good enough leader. He was able to bring all the tribes together and unite them for a common purpose, but Saul eventually bought in to his own press. This certainly grieved Samuel. But as we often find out, God has already been at work setting His plans into motion, even when we don't know about it. He tells Samuel to get up and head to Bethlehem to anoint His new king. Now, Samuel is a little worried about doing it, but sometimes, when it comes to fulfilling God's plans, we have to be willing to do something that may seem to be a little scary, and a little out of our comfort zone. God equips those he sends, and he had prepared Samuel for this next step.

Samuel goes to the town of Bethlehem to find Jesse, the man whose son is going to be the next king of Israel. He goes to perform a sacrifice to the Lord, and once Jesse and his sons are consecrated, the ceremony begins. But right away, it appears that something different is going on here. Jesse's eldest son, Eliab, is the first to go before Samuel, and Samuel thinks, "Ah, this is the guy." But God says, "Nope. Don't look at what you see. I see something different than what you see. I'm looking for someone whose heart is in the right place." Samuel is faithful to what God says and looks to the next in line. One by one, seven of Jesse's sons pass before Samuel, but none of them fit the description that the Lord gives Samuel. None of them are to be the next king of Israel.

After they all pass before Samuel, he asks Jesse if there's another son that isn't present. And Jesse says, "Yeah, there's the youngest, but he's out taking care of the sheep right now." In other words, the family nerd is out with the herd. As the youngest son, David would have been at the bottom of the pecking order. Notice that even though Samuel has Jesse bring all his sons to the sacrifice, David is still left in the fields with the sheep. He is not important enough to be at this event. He wasn't picked last - he just wasn't picked at all. But when David comes before Samuel, the Lord says, "This is the guy. This is the one that I've chosen." His own family didn't think enough of David to include him in the ceremony to begin with, but he is the one that was chosen by the Lord to lead Israel. I know what you're thinking at this point, "Great story, but what does this have to do with us?"

I think this is a story about hope. It's the classic underdog story that we all want to see take place. It's the unexpected gold medal for the 1980 U.S. hockey team. It's George Mason from the 2006 NCAA Men's Basketball Tourney, the 11 seed that made the Final Four. It's a certain 83-win team winning the World Series that same year. It's a story that resonates with each one of us on some level. Who doesn't root for the underdog? That's what David is here. He's the runt of the litter. He's the youngest of eight. He has no business being anointed the leader of a nation. But he's the one that God has chosen.

When we look around our community, do we feel like the runt of the litter? We are a fairly small church, but does that mean we can't make a difference? Simply because there are a small number of people in this congregation, it doesn't mean that the Spirit can't work in a powerful way. When you look around this congregation, do you see a congregation that has done all it can, and is just ready to sit back and let life happen? Or do you see a congregation that is excited about what God can do? I see so many people who can make a difference, but it doesn't matter what I see. How do you see yourselves?

We live in a world that thinks bigger is better, but is it really? Sure, we don't have as many people here as Sterling or Hillsboro Nazarene or insert name of another big church here. We can't do the things that they can do right now, but we don't have to. God has a purpose for us as a congregation, but until we really believe that by God's grace and through the Holy Spirit that we can make a difference, we aren't going to go anywhere. But the good news that we see in today's Scripture is that size, position and birth order don't matter. In fact, did you know that 60% of the churches in America meet every week with less than 100 people? 60% of the churches in America are just like us - small congregations that meet faithfully every week. Here's another fun fact for you this morning - only 6.5% of churches in America have attendance each week of more than 500. Do you see where I am going with this?

God has always moved in big ways through the most unexpected means. He picked one guy, Abraham, to make the nation that would bring about salvation for the entire world. He picked a guy with a speech impediment to go before the Pharoah and set free the Israelites from 400 years of slavery. He picked the runt of Jesse's litter to become the king of Israel and establish the Israelite kingdom. He picked a ragtag group of twelve disciples to learn from Jesus and spread the gospel throughout the Roman Empire.

Even though we are a small congregation, we can make a major difference because it is not us, but God working through us, and with God all things are possible. But that's the key - with God. We cannot do this on our own. We cannot do this through the latest and greatest ministry techniques. We cannot do this by copying what the church down the road is doing. We can only do this by listening for God and following the lead that He has given us. David, by all the standards set by the society around him, was nothing. But in reality, in God’s reality, he was exactly what was needed in order for God's will to be done.

God tells Samuel that He looks at the heart. He doesn’t see the things that everyone else sees. God sees some amazing things in each one of us. God doesn’t look at us and see a small congregation; God sees a congregation that can make a huge difference in this community. We don’t often see what God is doing behind the scenes, but that doesn’t mean God hasn’t been working.

God has been working here. I’ve heard from some of you the difference that spending 15 minutes a day reading Scripture has made in your life. God has been challenging us each and every week to take the next step in our faith. I know that there are some people here that have listened for ways that they can help those around them, and have taken advantage of the opportunities that are available. We have so many things that we can do to share the gospel. It doesn’t have to be a big, organized event. Sometimes, it’s just a simple as sitting down and talking with somebody for a little while.

How has God been preparing you? How has God been working in your life? What’s going on right now that you never would have anticipated five years ago? If you take the time to allow God to form you, He will. If you take the time to listen to what God would have you do to reach out to those around you, you’ll start to see ways of doing ministry that maybe nobody has thought of before. What are your hopes and dreams for us as a congregation? We can do amazing things if we only rely on God. Don’t let anybody ever tell you that we are too small to do anything. Don’t ever think that we are too small to do anything. In a world where bigger is better, God still works through those who are faithful and whose hearts are in the right place, regardless of size. God is preparing us for something big, but we have to make the decision to be excited about what God is going to do, and we have to listen for what our role in it is going to be.

When I got picked in that softball game, everyone else saw a smart kid with glasses. What they didn’t know is that I had been playing baseball for six years. A double, triple and three RBI’s later, people realized that there was more to me than what they saw. I could play ball. In fact, I could play a lot better than most of the rest of them. I think we will find out something similar about ourselves as a congregation. We aren’t too small. We aren’t too old. We aren’t too busy. We have no excuses because God is the one that will be working through us. We have to decide to be a part of what God is doing, and that decision, whatever we decide, will lead us into the future. Six months, a year, three years from now – what are people going to be saying about us? Take a look into your heart this week, and you’ll find the answer.

Tuesday Tunes

This week's Tuesday Tunes was inspired by last Saturday's post on the Giant Gummy Bear on a stick!!!!, and ensuing YouTube watching.

And, just for kicks, I thought I'd get a little international today as well....

English

Spanish

French

Swedish

German

Hungarian

And finally...it's time to sing along!!!!

The Candy of Heaven

My hands-down, absolute favorite type of candy is the gummy worm. I love them. They are delicious in ways that cannot be described by mere English words. Koine Greek, the second language of heaven, comes close to describing the indescribable nature of this tasty treat, but even it falls short. The best place that I have ever found a gummy worm is the Ole Smokey Candy Kitchen in Gatlinburg, TN. They are absolutely amazing.

In general, I find gummy worms to be the ideal manifestation of such a candy-licious treat. It's not that I don't like gummy bears, gummy dinosaurs, gummy fish, or even gummy artificial limbs. It's just that the gummy worm is shaped in a perfect way so as to include multiple flavors, and it fits very well in that space between your teeth and your lips. Sure, it looks like I'm taking a dip (which is totally disgusting) every time I eat gummy worms, but that is only an aesthetic drawback for those around me, and consequently has no bearing on my overall enjoyment of said gummy worm.

I can generally tell which brand, or at least what the packaging off the particular gummy product, looks like. One day, while I was working at Sears, a friend of mine offered me a gummy bear, and I was able to correctly identify it as a Haribo gummy bear - you know, the one that comes in the gold package...

Anyway, all of this is to set up an amazing video that I was fortunate enough to come across this morning, as I was engaging in one of my current time-wasting activities.

Behold, the next inevitable step in gummy technology...

the GIANT GUMMY BEAR on a stick!!!!!!